I can’t write about The Bear-Shaped Hole without mentioning its predecessor and companion volume The Hare-Shaped Hole, a picture book about grief and loss which, to my surprise, has turned out to resonate with readers of all ages.
I’m incredibly grateful for the messages I’ve had from families and individuals telling me how much the book has helped them or their loved ones to make sense of their feelings around bereavement.
The nature of loss
When I wrote The Hare-Shaped Hole, I deliberately left the nature of the loss as vague as I could. Has Hertle the Hare died, or gone away, or has something else happened?
I don’t know, because if I don’t know, then a young reader can superimpose their own loss onto the story and hopefully be comforted.
In The Bear-Shaped Hole, by contrast, the loss is specific and named: Orlo the Bear tells his little friend Gerda that he is ill, with no hope of recovery.
Approaching the topic with honesty
A story like this requires a certain amount of sensitivity, but it also requires honesty. It’s easy to imagine that in tiptoeing around difficult subjects, we’re protecting children. In fact, it’s ourselves we’re shielding, from the painful reality of their feelings; and in doing so, we risk adding to their emotional burden and leaving them to deal with those feelings on their own.
If we avoid naming the thing we fear, we make it more fearful, and children pick up on this: if we can’t even say what something is, how can we ever face it or cope with it?
That’s why, in The Bear-Shaped Hole, Orlo doesn’t tell Gerda that he’s going to “pass away”, or “go to a better place”. He tells her, “There isn’t a cure. I’m going to die.” It’s only by facing up to this fact that Gerda can begin to properly process her sadness, her anger, and her grief – and to make the most of the time she has left with her friend.
Bereavement affects young children
There will be those who say that we should leave children to their innocence and not address the subject of death with them “too early”.
But bereavement doesn’t run to a timetable; many children lose a family friend or relative, or a pet, while still very young, and when they do, they need to talk about it.
Stories to help young children talk about loss
A story, one step removed from reality, is a good way of initiating that conversation. But a child who is not currently facing loss will have to face it one day – everyone does – and, my hope is that, having encountered stories like this, they’ll be better prepared for it when it does happen.
Thank you to John for visiting our blog this week to tell us more about his book The Bear-Shaped Hole, which is available to purchase from Amazon or Bookshop.
Readers may also be interested in the following booklists:
- Children’s Books about Bereavement and Loss
- Emotional Literacy Children’s Booklist
- Mental health books for children
- Primary PSHE booklists
- Recommended Preschool books
Browse our curriculum topic booklists for more.
Where next?
> Visit our Reading for Pleasure Hub
> Browse our Topic Booklists
> View our printable year group booklists.
> See our Books of the Month.